Lastjourney Blog

5 Questions We Ask Ourselves When We Cannot Get Over a Loss

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13 October, 2021

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Death is painful, to put it bluntly. It can feel as if you’ve just lost a small piece of your world when someone who has impacted your life goes away. Grief is a journey with numerous stops along the way. It’s common to find yourself pondering or asking yourself questions at certain points along the way.

There are various questions that run around our heads: 

• What caused this to happen to us/me?
• Why didn’t I take action sooner?
• Why would God allow such a catastrophe to happen?
• What can I do to start feeling better?
• What would s/he like me to do next?
• Where should I look for the silver lining in all of this?

If you’re asking yourself questions like these, know that you’re not alone. Asking yourself these kinds of questions is totally normal and part of the grieving process. Everyone, understandably, has various concerns. Grief is something to which we don’t all react in the same manner.

However, in our experience assisting grieving families, we’ve discovered that these are the five most frequently asked questions.

What should I do if I don’t think I’ll ever get over the death of my spouse (or child, sister, or friend)?

Death is not something to try to conquer when someone dies. This is due to the fact that death is unavoidable. Rather, it’s something you learn to work with and adapt to in order to move forward.

I’m constantly feeling lonely. Even in my support group, I feel as though no one understands what I’m going through. What’s the matter with me?

Nothing. Grief is intensely intimate and one-of-a-kind. Grief affects everyone in different ways. Even if you’ve suffered a comparable loss, how they’re coping and feeling may be vastly different from how you are. Grief is solitary and frequently feels like a jumble of feelings. You could be smiling one minute and sobbing the next while watching a movie. Even if you feel as if no one understands, talking about your experiences can help you cope with sadness and express your emotions.

I’m starting to notice a disconnect amongst some of my friends. Why aren’t they attempting to help me?

When you lose someone, your world is turned upside down. Unfortunately, your pals may believe you have lost touch with them. Another possibility is that they are simply feeling uneasy. Some people can’t bear being around or thinking about grief. Don’t be scared to reach out if you think your pal is drifting apart. Perhaps having a heart-to-heart with them can help them understand that, despite how difficult it is, you need them to be there for you.

At the same time, you need to be aware of something crucial. They have the right to refuse. They may desire to keep their distance, despite the fact that it is difficult and unfortunate. I’m hoping they don’t. But be aware that this could happen, and don’t let that deter you from speaking up if you want to.

Why is the doctor/therapist attempting to give medication to me when I am uncomfortable with it? I’m not sure how I’m going to tell them no.

Inform them of this. Let them know you’re on the fence about it and are feeling uneasy. You can also inquire about what they observe that makes them believe medication is the answer. You can also inquire about the consequences of not taking it. Don’t be afraid to speak out and say no in either circumstance.

My loved one has been gone for months or years. Why am I still not feeling better?

Grief isn’t the same as spraining an ankle or breaking a wrist. There is no time limit on how long it takes to fully recover. Milestones are frequently used to mark the progress of healing. You gradually attain these milestones and begin to feel a little better over time.

It’s also crucial to have compassion for yourself. It’s easy to be harsh on yourself when you’re not feeling well. Rather than overthinking and injuring yourself, focus on the small pleasures that you appreciate. Slowly but steadily, you’ll understand that every chuckle or smile, no matter how fleeting, is another step forward on the path.

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